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Wednesday, August 1st, 2007
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9:56 pm
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| Sunday, November 12th, 2006
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4:49 pm - My apologies
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So I haven't written in a while and lot has happened. I don't intend on harping on the past couple of months and posting what in fact happened. Instead, I'd like to focus on the next couple of months and what I have to look forward to.
Next week I will be returning to Virginia for the first time in 5 months. I haven't really had the urgency or desire to go down to there. But, alas, I'm going down to see my father's new apartment, see my family, see Christina and go to Charlottesville for the UVa vs Miami football game. What a great weekend to look forward to.
Other news, I'm moving out of my apartment! I'm moving in with my friends Miguel and Katie. This is going to be an interesting experience. haha. more details to come.
This past weekend was ridiculous. Friday night, we threw a Twister Party! Spectactular. My friend "Janj" made jellow shots in the colors of the twister game board and you guessed it, we had the shots and played twister all night. We actually had a pretty good turnout. What was to be a twister game party turned into an 80s and 90s dance party. Hilarious. I felt like a kid again. Saturday was a beautiful day here in northeast PA! It was 65 degrees and blue skies. I was actually wearing flipflops in the middle of November!! Crazy shit. We went to the lake house to hang out and then had a 4 on 4 football game. good times. Saturday night was incredible. One of my favorite local, cover bands, "Drop Dead Sexy", came to town and put on an awesome show. The bar was full of life and everyone in my group was having a ball. I can't wait 'til they come back.
Now its Sunday which only means a full day of scrambling to get my house cleaned, laundry done, and errands ran. And then tomorrow is work. Fun. (sarcasm intended)
current mood:  moody
current music: She says -- Howie Day
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| Sunday, July 23rd, 2006
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1:55 pm
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| Sunday, May 21st, 2006
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2:57 am
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Wow. I'm back in Charlottesville for my friend's graduation. I'm glad I'm here. One of my best friend's is graduating so its really important for me to be here. But a part of me wants to hide from the world I've known.
For those who don't know, my mom passed away on April 29. It has been a really long 3 weeks. I've been on a complete emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes I'm angry at G-d for taking my mom away from at such a young age and just feeling like hitting a wall. Sometimes I cry for the fact that my mom will not be able to attend my wedding or see my kids grow up. Sometimes I laugh at the good times I've had with my mom and the memories we made together. I guess that is what I'm trying to hold onto the most: the memories. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to be sad. I just want to remember my mom for the amazing woman that she is and the traits that she passed on to me.
Tonight, I went out with two of my close friends and we ended up going to a bar and having a great time sitting in a booth talking and drinking wine. After the bar, I walked over to this gathering my friend was having to say hi to people I have not seen in a long time. After I left the gathering, I saw another person I knew and he immediately gave me a hug and said how sorry he was for my loss. I was fine all night until he came up to me. Everyone else I hung out with knew about my mom but what they said to me did not hit me until this particular person said something to me. He said, "I'm sorry for your loss. Your mom was a beautiful, amazing woman."
Wow. I was in shock. And for the past hour I went back to being the emotional mess that I was.
Why won't it get easier?
current mood:  depressed
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, May 19th, 2006
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7:32 pm
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| Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
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4:34 pm
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Arena (known to self and others) adaptable, energetic, extroverted, giving, independent, silly | Blind Spot (known only to others) able, accepting, bold, clever, complex, confident, dependable, friendly, helpful, intelligent, knowledgeable, mature, organised, religious, responsive, searching, sentimental, spontaneous, sympathetic, trustworthy | Façade (known only to self) | Unknown (known to nobody) brave, calm, caring, cheerful, dignified, happy, idealistic, ingenious, introverted, kind, logical, loving, modest, nervous, observant, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, self-assertive, self-conscious, sensible, shy, tense, warm, wise, witty | Dominant Traits70% of people agree that JackieAinsztein is energetic
60% of people think that JackieAinsztein is friendly
All Percentagesable (20%) accepting (30%) adaptable (30%) bold (30%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (0%) cheerful (0%) clever (10%) complex (10%) confident (10%) dependable (10%) dignified (0%) energetic (70%) extroverted (30%) friendly (60%) giving (20%) happy (0%) helpful (10%) idealistic (0%) independent (30%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (40%) introverted (0%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (20%) logical (0%) loving (0%) mature (20%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (0%) organised (10%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (10%) responsive (10%) searching (10%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (0%) sentimental (10%) shy (0%) silly (10%) spontaneous (40%) sympathetic (10%) tense (0%) trustworthy (10%) warm (0%) wise (0%) witty (0%)
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| Sunday, February 26th, 2006
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2:12 am
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I really haven't updated in a while. I guess with good reason as well. I haven't really been in the mood to write all the thoughts, concerns and ideas that have been popping in my head lately. I've been so preoccupied with my family and my mom's illness that I haven't had time to actually focus on writing and displaying my thoughts out on the page.
A lot has happened in the past two months that I'd like to talk about but just can't. Hopefully I'll be able to talk more in the coming weeks.
One more thing. Just because I don't write in here or talk to you guys on a regular basis, doesn't mean that I"m not reading and following what ya'll are saying.
I love you all.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, December 2nd, 2005
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9:15 pm
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So yea. That movie "Just Friends", definately the story of my life. I always get thrown into the "just friends" category with any guy friend that I become interested in. This totally sucks.
I just need to find someone that I mesh with, that can be my friend and more, that doesn't use me as a concilation prize. But as of now, I'm not looking. If someone is out there, they need to come find me because I'm definately done looking. It's so tiring and not worth it.
Meanwhile, I'm going out tonight with a bunch of friends from work. So that should be fun. We're going to a couple of bars and I'm not DD! :-D
Have a good weekend everyone!
current mood:  tired
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005
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10:02 pm
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After a whirlwind week and a half, I'm back in NoVa for the second time this week.
Let me tell you why that night sucked. I told my crush that I was crushing him, got shut down with "i think we're great friends" line. Preceded on spending the day with him. Went to dinner with him and a friend. Got ignored at dinner. Went to a bar/club in Scranton. Hung out for a little while, but when he found a girl he was interested in, he went and talked to her and then brought her over to dance right next to me. Let me tell you how shitty that felt. Meanwhile, I'm sober (I was DD for the night) and enduring this. 2:30am rolls around and I've had just about enough of the night so I tell him and his friend that we gotta go. Both of them are drunk as skunks and make my car smell of alcohol. We go and get them McDonalds to soak up some of the alcohol in their systems. As we're driving back to our apartment complex, I see blue and red lights in my rearview. Yup, to top off a great night, I get a fucking speeding ticket. Woot, what an AWESOME night.
So the rest of the week was fine and I felt that I needed to get out of PA for the weekend. So since I got an ID for the game, I decided to go to the VT vs UVA game.
What a big stupid blowout. First off, there were more tech fans in Cville then Hoos. Second, we just sucked on the field. Their offense and defense dominated the field and didn't let anything past them. Bottom Line: UVA didn't eat turkey this year.
Now I'm in NoVa for turkey day. Hopefully this weekend will be stress free and full of fun. I already have plans to spend a lot of time with the fam, go out for a friend's bday, spend time with an old HS friend and anything else that might come up.
Outlook: Getting better.
current mood:  lazy
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| Sunday, November 13th, 2005
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3:51 am
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| Tuesday, November 1st, 2005
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6:19 am
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Sorry I haven't updated in a while.
After coming back to PA for a week, I went back to MO for 3 weeks to watch the startup of my project.
Now I'm back in PA and enjoying my time so far. I've missed my apt, my car, my friends, the easy accessibility of just being able to leave if I want to. Its pretty convenient to be within 120 miles of 3 to 4 awesome locations.
if you are 120 miles from zip code 18411, open a weekend up and I'm coming to visit (just let me know who you are)
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
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8:48 pm
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Why is it that I have a very mature side and a very juvenile side to my personality? When at work, I am supposed be acting mature and ready for the task, but lately I've been slipping to my other side. It culminated today where I started a classroom war that started with me throwing altoids across the room. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm not supposed to act like this and I usually don't act like this. So why now? Why at work? Why am I fucking up my future? I didn't get in trouble today, but why am I putting myself into those types of situations. I just really don't get myself sometimes.
And this takes me into the next section of my entry. I've been getting really depressed lately and the main reason is my mom's condition. The worst thing is that I feel that I have been resorting to alcohol to get my mind off of what's happening. If its not alcohol and if I was still able to smoke, I'd be smoking a bowl or two a day. This type of action can't be good and I don't know what to do about it. Anyone have any ideas?
current mood: depressed
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
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5:46 am
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| Sunday, September 4th, 2005
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10:14 am
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So I've been stuck in Missouri for the past month with one month to go. This place isn't that bad if it had things to do. One good thing about being on travel with this company is that they fly you home every other week. So instead of having them fly me to PA, I had them fly me to Charlottesville.
So, so far this weekend hasn't been that bad. I guess the main reason I came back is for some closure. To have myself realize that I'm not a college student anymore and that I don't belong here.
So far I have been proving myself correct.
current mood:  crazy
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005
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10:30 pm
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A lot has happened the past few weeks. I started my new job, moved into my new place, bought a new car, made a few good friends. All of these good things happened and then boom. I get hit by a brick wall.
I find out that my mom is really sick and might not be here this time next year. Freaked me out. More than freaked me out. I didn't know what to do with myself. Everyone is trying to give me advice and tells me that they are there for me and though I appreciate it, I just want to tell them to that they don't know what I'm going through. I try to put out this happy go lucky aura but deep down inside I just want to cry and pray for my mom. I don't know how much more I can put up with this. Soon enough I'm just going to snap and let out how much this situation is killing me. I just wish this weren't happening. My mom doesn't deserve it, she's so young and still has so much more to see and experience in life. I'm just completely torn up inside about all of this.
I guess to preoccupy my mind, I've been focusing a lot on work and getting to know my coworkers. We all went out last Thursday and I got torn up. I don't want this to be my backup reaction to get away from my real world problems. I mean it worked for the night last week but I don't want it to happen again.
Ugh, i don't know why i wrote this.
current mood:  sad
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
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5:15 am - soo wierd
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Had one of the wierdest dreams ever (at least the wierdest that I can remember). I don't know where I was, but I was taking a tour of the grounds of a school that was reportedly haunted. I was with 4 other people, but the only person I remember is Michal. So, anyway, we're walking around the grounds and all of sudden I get behind the group by 3 steps. As we are crossing a bridge, I get lifted up by the shoulders and flown around. At first I didn't fight the flying and was just soaring and enjoying it. But then fear of who had grabbed me sunk in and I started kicking and screaming for my friends to help me. No one could hear me. Then the wierdest thing happened. I get close enough to the ground to hear what my friends are talking about. One of them is saying, "ya, motorcycle racing is a bigtime sport here." Then one of them turns to me and asks, "Jackie, what have you been doing? we couldn't find you earlier.". So instead of telling them I was flying with a ghost and was trying to get their attention, I decided to lie and say I was practicing to a professional motorcycle racer.
What the fuck!
current mood: tired
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
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9:26 pm
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Started my job on monday. It's going pretty well but the hours are killing me. Training starts every freaking day at 7am. So we leave at 6am every morning to make sure we're there on time. It's freaking crazy. Anyway, its close to my bedtime. I'll update more when i have more energy. I love you all!
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, May 28th, 2005
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10:31 am
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It's my 23rd birthday today and I just don't feel like celebrating. To me it's just another day.
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| Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
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10:41 pm
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My birthday is next Saturday (May 28) and for the first time in many years I have no idea what I'm doing on it. School is out and graduation is coming which means everyone is probably going to be out of town.
I want to do something special and hang out with my friends but I don't see that happening. Any ideas on what I should do?
current mood:  blah
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, May 13th, 2005
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5:54 pm
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So I'm done with school and now am awaiting graduation day. Graduation is scheduled for next Sunday, May 22nd. Thrilling.
Anyway, I just got back from a trip to Pennsylvania where I found my home for the next 1 maybe 2 years. If I haven't told you already, I'm moving to Clarks Summit (outside of Scranton), PA to work for Procter and Gamble. Hott shit....eh, not really just means I get to work for a great company and get paid really good money but get to live in East bumble fuck.
Whatever, not bad.
And in other news! I did great on the final I was worried about so I'm happy! :-)
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